


Words Fall Short

by crushondeanlikeafairy



Category: S.W.A.T. (TV 2017)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Found Family, Friendship, Gen, Grief, Hurt/Comfort, I would die for this trope, I wrote this for me but you can read it too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:41:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22517911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crushondeanlikeafairy/pseuds/crushondeanlikeafairy
Summary: It's easy for a grieving Street to ignore Luca when he's away, but now that he's back he intends to make sure that his friend doesn't have to suffer alone.
Relationships: Dominique Luca & Jim Street
Comments: 4
Kudos: 108





	Words Fall Short

**Author's Note:**

> Lucky for you all I got the flu so I've been stuck at home with nothing to do but write! So I got a few stories almost done for you. Though, unsure on quality as they were written in a fever-induced fugue.
> 
> P.S. This is most certainly NOT based on @dksm41's "By My Side" (which btw is amazing and you should def read it), they're just faster than me at writing stuff apparently. XD

“Where are you going?”

Street grimaced, pausing in the half-open doorway, motorcycle helmet in hand. “For a ride.”

“When will you be back?” Luca asked, not looking up from the Rubik's cube he was trying to solve in his lap. He’d gotten one to keep him busy while he’d been stuck in therapy with nothing to do and he’d grown kind of attached to the thing. He liked to think he was getting rather good at it.

“Does it matter?”

Luca shrugged, propping his feet up on the coffee table. “It’s just kind of late.”

“You’re up!” Street answered, exasperated. “What’s with all the parenting?”

Heaving a sigh, Luca sat up, setting the Rubik's cube on the arm of the couch. He turned to look over the back of the sofa at his roommate. “I know you haven’t been sleeping.”

“And how do you know that?” Street asked, waving his hands irately.

“Well, Tan told me,” Luca said, “But, I’m not blind either! Now that I’m back, I can _see_ you leaving the house every night. I know you’re gone for hours.”

Street didn’t answer, shutting his eyes and tilting his head to the ground. He took a deep breath, flexing his fingers around the helmet still in his hand. Luca waited patiently, scooping the takeout wrappers off the seat beside him and onto the coffee table. He’d ordered food a few hours ago, enough for two, but when asked for his opinion on where they should eat Street had merely offered a mumbled ‘I don’t care’. And his roommate hadn’t touched the food since it arrived.

“Listen, kid. I know everything kind of hurts right now, but you don’t have to deal with it by yourself. Friends, family, all that fun stuff. That’s the point in having them.”

Street sighed, moving forward to take the now empty seat beside Luca. He set his helmet on the coffee table, propping his elbows on his knees and pressing his balled fists up under his chin. “Molly said the same thing.”

“Rule number one: always listen to your girlfriend,” Luca joked, smiling proudly when he earned a small chuckle. “Seriously though, if you really think going through this by yourself is what you need to do and that it’s what’s best for _you_ , tell me. I’ll leave you to it. But I don’t want you to think for a second that it’s something you _have_ to do.”

“Honestly…” Street said slowly, fixing his eyes on the blank television screen, “Most days it’s a fight just to keep it together.”

“Then why do you insist on fighting alone?”

“I don’t know. It’s just what I’ve always done,” he said, “Everyone keeps trying. Deacon invited me over for dinner. Chris and Tan keep trying to talk to me. Not even about this, just… anything. I keep shooting them down.”

“Chris told me. She said she can barely get two words out of you.”

“I just thought if I could get through this on my own without bringing everyone else down… I don’t know. I guess I thought it’d be easier somehow. But I’ve never lost anybody I care about like this before and I’m not really sure what to do.”

“Let me help,” Luca pleaded.

Street squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head, “Every time I close my eyes I… I see him laying there in that tub. Just- Just staring at me. And it- it’s my fault.”

“I know that’s B.S.”

“How is it not?” Street asked, turning his head sharply toward Luca, tears brimming in his eyes. “There are a million things I could have done differently that could have ended with Nate being here right now.”

“Could have, but you have no way of knowing. I mean, for that matter, it’s Hondo fault.”

“What? How could this possibly be on _Hondo_?”

Luca shrugged, “Well, he was the guy in charge. The one making the calls. Don’t you think there are things he could’ve done differently?”

“It’s not Hondo’s fault! That’s ridiculous!”

“Why?”

“Hondo didn’t kill my brother!” Street said adamantly.

“Did you?”

Street paused, staring at Luca with his mouth wide open as he grasped for words. “I mean, no.”

“Then how can it be your fault?”

Street didn’t answer, turning his head down once more to stare at those dusty, worn-out boots he loved so much. A tear broke free finally, splashing onto the leather. When he finally spoke, his voice was barely above a whisper.

“People keep telling me how sorry they are. Keep calling me some sort of hero for going into an op that dangerous to protect the city. I mean, that op was hell. Hicks wouldn’t even sign off at first. He said it was too dangerous. But I’m _not_ a hero. I wasn’t trying to protect the city. I did it, _all_ of it, to protect _Nate_. And I failed.”

“Street-”

“He-he saved my ass I can’t even remember how many times when we were growing up. And the one time he needed the same from me… I couldn’t do it. What kind of a brother does that make me?”

“You’re the best damn brother anyone could ever ask for,” Luca said firmly, “You said it yourself, that op was dangerous. You were undercover, the longest a S.W.A.T. officer ever has been by the way, as _yourself_. Your cover was basically blown before you could even have one. You could have been killed easily at any moment, all to protect your brother. Just because things didn’t work out the way you planned does not mean that you’ve somehow failed.”

“Nate’s not here, is he?” Street asked, looking to Luca with red, desperate eyes. “How is that a success?”

Luca held on unflinchingly to his friend’s gaze, “That’s not how it should have gone down. Nate didn’t deserve to die. But he knew how much you loved him. Trust me, he could feel it. And I know that he would _never_ in a million years tell you that you somehow failed him. He died because he was trying to protect _you_ . Because he loved _you._ Since we can’t change the past, that has to be enough.”

For the first time since they’d known each other, Luca saw a sob break from Street’s chest. The younger man let his head drop, his fists clenched tightly on his knees. Luca took the opportunity to close the space between them, wrapping his arm around his friend’s shoulder and pulling him close. He ran his hand soothingly up and down Street’s shoulder, letting him know silently that he wasn’t alone.

“You don’t owe Nate anything,” Luca whispered, “You never did.”

They sat there in silence, the only sound was that of Street crying. If Luca had to guess, this was the first time he’d let himself go since losing his brother, so Luca was inclined to let him have however long he needed. He would sit beside him and hold him close until he was asked to leave.


End file.
